I am definitely not one for personal posts but I kind of see this blog as my little home, a place where I share one of the greatest joys of my life, boudoir. I should share some of the other joys of life but sometimes I fear coming off to personal. Well, today, I am letting that all go out the window!
3 months ago I was going about my normal morning activity. Roll out of bed, check my email, feed our cat/dog, check email again, shower, etc. Well, I got to the part of the dog food and that morning something was different. The smell of that dog food was honestly the most disgusting thing I have ever smelled and I couldn’t even proceed to open the lid all the way. Why the weird smell, I thought? I have been doing the same thing, every morning for the past 10+ years but today was different. So, I proceeded to take my mess of a self to Target. I bought the essentials, a new scarf, some nail polish and a pregnancy test. Really, it felt like any other day….plus a pregnancy test.
I thought I would wait to take it but decided why not, lets do it now. I remember being so calm despite the fact that in 30 seconds I could be proceeding down a very new path in life. Does anyone else notice how long 30 seconds is when you’re staring down a pee stick? After what felt like 30 minutes, the positive showed up. I remember sitting there staring at it…..and then doing the same thing 4 more times….because I had to be absolutely positive.
And that test sure didn’t lie
Often times I try to take myself back to that first day I found out and try and remember the smile on my husbands face or think about the joy in Matt’s parents faces when we told them. I have surely needed it lately. While most women experience morning sickness and fatigue in their first trimester I got to experience other things. I had to experience the terror and fear of my first ER trip because I was hemorrhaging so much and I thought for sure, this is it, I am losing this baby. I remember the fear I had when I was being rushed to the ER room after nobody at check-in would take my blood loss seriously and I started hemorrhaging again in the waiting room. I even remember the faces of the other patients who were looking at me. I then had to experience the confusion when the er doctors let us hear a heartbeat but couldn’t tell me why I was losing so much blood but by some miracle had a healthy baby.
I then remember the anger I felt when I had my followup apt. with my OB 3 days after the ER visit and he could tell me no answers. “How does someone bleed like this and it’s…..normal??” I thought. After that apt. I was placed on bed rest where I only continued to be more angry and frustrated and fearful.
I finally got to 2 weeks past that trip to the ER and I finally got some answers. While you hate to hear anything is wrong at least you can hear the why. My doctor let me know I have something called subchorionic hematoma (accumulation of blood that my body isn’t reabsorbing) and I also have placenta previa (where my placenta is covering my cervix, 100% at the moment) Both of those things combined can cause the bleeding and because of where the placenta is, more than likely, I’ll continue to have bleeding. The biggest worry with placenta previa is it not moving itself and covering my cervix which would of course lead to some complication at delivery. So, while I have never been the praying type, I have found myself praying lately and hoping for our little peanut to have a easy birth and for my body to be safe in doing so.
SO, with all that said- if you have a boudoir session with me coming up, more than likely, I’ll probably have a couple sit breaks in your shoot. I am still on limited movement so I need to take care of myself and this baby. Also if you see my lifting anything to heavy, I give you permission to yell at me because your yelling is going to be a lot better than my husbands yelling. Also, totally time to get an assistant for shoots!
Here is to a very healthy remaining 5 months for this peanut and I